Variant Coverage – October 2, 2019

I know a lot’s been going on, but it feels too early for us to be in October already. Who can we appeal to to get another couple months to work with? What’s that? No one? I’m a lunatic for even asking? Well there we go. COMICS!

Nomen Omen 1 (Bucci/ Camagni): “Kids these days, Roxford. They’ve either eaten themselves into diabetes or they’re skeletons already. Oh, naturally there are a few but how often do they ruminate in front of one of my mirrors. Crowley was right – it’s hard to be a necromancer.”

Batman 80 (King/ Romita Jr.): “You stay on your gargoyle, Boo. Wrap those cuts & bruises, I got yo Rogue.” I’m adding that to my list of “Things I Never Thought of Before But Now Must See Before I Die”.

Catalyst Prime Seven Days 1 of 7 (Simone/ Luis): SUPERHERO TIP #538 – When you’re overwhelmed by the enemy force, it’s okay to take a moment to compose yourself… SO LONG AS you’re not standing there slack-jawed like a tourist seeing a space armada for the first time. If you can’t pose heroically, pose like you’re about to do something. This shows you’re still in the fight, and keeps everyone around deferring to you (even if it’s so ridiculously obvious that’s a bad idea).

Everything 2 (Cantwell/ Culbard): “Alright Mrs. Jenkins, continue to hold still, we’re getting a good scan here. Let’s highlight cross-section at 53mm and check the DAMMIT THOSE USELESS INTERNS Find one of them to get this f%$&ing instagram filter off the MRI.

Ghost Rider 1 (Brisson/ Kuder): I’d be concerned about skyscrapers circling the wagons around a small fire, but the delightful flaming skeleton on the motorcycle keeps jumping over those low chains and looking proud of himself. I can’t stop him, he’s so happy! Look at you! Look how high you can jump! (In case the forced perspective threw you off, the chain’s four inches off the ground.

Grendel Devil’s Odyssey 1 (Matt Wagner): Oh isn’t that ADORABLE! Ghost Rider made a friend! Don’t conquer the martians for too long, dinner’ll be ready soon.

Strange Skies Over East Berlin 1 (Loveness/ Estherren): “We got saved from one brutal dictator only for another to stroll in, build this stupid wall, so now I may never get to drink at my favorite bar ever again. I need Russian rule like I need a hole in the hKLEH!”

Bizarre Adventures 1 (Various): I get that in tough situations where lives may be on the line, it can get confusing what the various limbs come up with to get out of it. That’s normal. Wrapping your legs around a threat and going in to kiss its snoot is – I would argue – not a set of actions that’ll result in pacifying the threat. Unless it’s into that, in which case you haven’t negated the threat, you’ve just gloriously misunderstood it.

Copra 1 (Michel Fiffe): I miss uniforms. Don’t get me wrong, knowing I have options for what to wear keeps me from becoming a nudist. What I miss is how when a bunch of people are charging in the same direction like this, it’d be nice to know that they’re actually teammates on the way to a mission, and not an overdrawn chase scene with enough individuals and causes involved that it’d take a supercomputer to chart it out.

Gutter Magic 1 (Douek/ Barkley): Don’t you miss the days when the most you had to worry about was a fine for an overdue library book?

Contagion 1 (Brisson/ Various): So if this is one of those Fantastic Voyage stories where Ben Grimm’s reduced to microscopic size so he can literally fight an exotic mutation of the flu, I’m in. If this is a story about a zoo exhibit and an accident with the lime-flavored instant drink powder, I’d still read it. If the Thing’s fighting eleven diseased Moloids, but when the twelfth joins the fight he can turn them all in for prizes at a Latverian carnival, I will ignore traffic laws to possess it. Do you see a pattern yet?

Mezo Premiere Edition 1 (Chin-Tanner/ Zingerman & Garbark): She couldn’t ask for a cleaner shot. Calm breeze, great lighting, no cover, and one more reason she was guaranteed to make her kill: the target was standing perfectly, oblivious to all danger while puzzling out what exactly was coming out of her head.

Vampire State Building 1 (Ange & Renault/ Adlard): After his stunt at Nakatomi Plaza, John McClain started getting strange letters. They weren’t exactly threatening, they were just creepy. Invitations to join a coven, free passes to underground clubs, fliers for meeting groups like “Blood Bloating Blues” and “What to do with Your Second Century”. Between John’s disregard for open wounds, calm bravado around heights, baiting prey into isolation, and the heavy stench of death around him, most agreed that turning him into a vampire shouldn’t be any harder than a few forms to make it official.

See you next week!

Looking for earlier blogs by Ryan Walsh for Comic Carnival?  They’re here: Variant Coverage Blog Back Issues

Variant Coverage Review Blog by Ryan Walsh for Comic Carnival

Variant Coverage Review Blog by Ryan Walsh for Comic Carnival

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