It could just work nicer for everyone if this thing popped up a little earlier in the day, so Good Morning, Readers! If you’re not bright-eyed and excited, put clothes on and get caffeinated, because there be comics to buy!
•Dead Legends 1 (Maddox/ Smith): You know what, fine. If fire and geothermal heat are blowing your hair up enough that three bottles of conditioner won’t fix it, and there’s no such thing as a safe place to put your feet, you can glare at the ground with suspicion and killing intent, and find comfort in knowing you’re completely justified for feeling that way. Now let’s talk about the many and varied reasons swords won’t solve this lack of trust…
•The Batman’s Grave 1 of 12 (Ellis/ Nowland & Hitch): How will the world’s greatest detective deduce which grave actually holds the vital clue to the mystery clutching Gotham in its horrible grip, when all the headstones and statues are marked with the same name: “Martha”?!?
•Thought Bubble Anthology 2019 (Various): Let’s be clear – books have the power to move us into worlds we’ve never imagined, or add knowledge and wisdom to our souls. Books have all these powers and more, but they are NOT a substitute for safety belts. Not even the books loaded with imagery of vehicles driving into tunnels.
•Doctor Doom 1 (Cantwell/ Larrocca): “Ah yes, thank you, Mister-”
“…Dr. Doom. This is just a passport photo, you don’t need to stand so close to the camera.”
“Why shouldn’t I? I constructed this mask with absolute precision, peerless engineering, and the finest substances on Earth. There can be no better means of identification than my headwear, more unique and glorious than any crown.”
“I see, it’s just that – oh, how do I put this – you’re kind of in the camera’s personal space?”
“The ‘camera’ may complain when it must deal with seven billion people in its ‘personal space’. Doom bears that burden consistently without whining.”
•Gotham City Monsters 2 of 6 (Orlando/ Nahuelpan): “Save me, Batman! I’m in ever so much danger for thes- pfft… from these terrible monstahahahHAHA! Damn me all over again, I thought I could get that out with a straight face!”
•Cobra Kai – The Karate Kid Saga Continues 1 (Tipton/ McLeod): Most comic covers are produced on computer, or at least enough that seeing a sheet of paper turned into a work of art feels rare and refreshing. I don’t know how I’d feel coming upon the original for this cover in all its velvet glory.
Haa haa! Now that you see it, you’ll never see it any other way again!
•Ginseng Roots 1 (Craig Thompson): “Say Timmy, when’d Pa say we stop harvesting and head home?”
“You heard’m just same as I did: we finish this row and two more, then we’re done.”
“Did Pa say anything about the sky turning red, as if vengeful blood from centuries of the angry dead’d been released, like in those parts of the Bible Ma says we’re not old enough to read?”
“…We finish this and ONE more row.”
•White Fox 1 (Wong/ Libranda et. al.): A good comic cover draws attention while setting the tone and genre for the material inside. This cover may grab people’s interest, but it doesn’t do anything else. This could be a book about cosplay, custom gloves, lipstick modelling, inviting someone with a finger wave while forgetting there’s a lethal blade on it, the pros and cons of dying your hair white, or a bunch of superhero glamour shots – we’re being crushed by options here.
•Shoplifters Will Be Liquidated 1 (Kindlon/ Simeone): “Run, RUNNN!! C-Movie props are coming to life and are attaching themselves to people! I don’t want to be known as the guy with the rubber and toilet roll gun from Chew Yer Grits 5!”
•Secrets of Sinister House 1 (Various): Need a six-month cleaning after four years? Looking to brighten your smile for the big date? Run out of clockwork teeth that release knockout gas? Whatever your tooth-related needs, there’s just one place to go: Demented DiDio’s Dental Department Store! We’ve got fake teeth, fake fangs, wax lips, new and used retainers, chewable nails, that explodey gum from Mission: Impossible, real teeth, dentist tools from the distant past AND future, a million flavors of floss, did I say real teeth because we certainly don’t have those no sir that’d be illegal, acid, and MORE! We’re just off exit 27 from I-73 Southbound (or the abandoned coffee hut, ask for Skeeter)!
•House of Whispers 14 (Hopkinson & Watters/ Stanton & Smith): Did people stop sniffing leftovers before finishing them off? I get that people in a hurry don’t have time to make stuff from scratch, but there’s a difference between chicken that smells a little off and chicken so encrusted with mold that it’ll evolve into a new and horrible creature by using your stomach as primordial soup. Kids, don’t let your friends unwittingly turn themselves into incubators for new and exciting horrors.
•Battlepug 2 (Norton & Passalaqua): There’s Battlepug, he should emerge victorious from every fight and get all the treats because he is the best boy. But there’s Santa’s elves, who make presents for all the children of the world (your materialism may vary), there’s not supposed to be anything they can’t do. Another moral quandary with no obvious clues!
•Amazing Fantasy 15 Facsimile Edition (Lee/ Ditko): “Woohooooo! I’m only fifteen but I’m grabbing guys off the street and zipping through the air so fast we’re making speedlines, man! I’m ready, buddy, you and me – we’re gonna dash all the lines!”
“Help me!! He’s shouting about doing lines and thinks he’s flying! Get me down!!”
And with that little bit of sacrilege out of the way, I’ll call it there. See you next week!
Looking for earlier blogs by Ryan Walsh for Comic Carnival? They’re here: Variant Coverage Blog Back Issues