Load yourselves up on comics before loading yourselves up with food! What’s that? Thanksgiving’s tomorrow? Well gosh, that’s convenient!
•Last Stop 1 (Walker/ Silva): Endless waves of enemies have wrecked themselves crashing against this cliffside of a man, with about as much effect. He’s bench-pressed mountains, thrown trucks into orbit, run fifty miles without stopping, and explored the depths of the oceans without air. But he’s never gone up against something like this – can he eat his way through a supposedly endless buffet of calamari to save the world? One factor in his favor: they see, to have plenty of dipping sauce.
•Bettie Page Unbound 6 (Avallone/ Ohta): Poppies! Poppies will put them to sleep. Ahem, I said “Poppies will put them to sleep!” Stop having fun down there! Are those poppies even on?
•Killadelphia 1 (Barnes/ Alexander): Ah, the age old question – Would you rather deal with the guy packing heat and a shovel, or the horde of shadowed creatures with red eyes? Shovels and guns are certainly dangerous and would inspire fear at night, but the guy’s in a suit and keeps himself groomed. Maybe the creatures behind him are clawed monsters eager to eat you, but they could also be clawed monsters that’re just really excited to show you their macaroni pictures. But this is all you see, and the question must be answered: GO!
•Second Coming 5 of 6 (Russell/ Pace & Kirk): No one likes it when the profile pic on Divinder looks nothing like the deity in real life, but so long as things like Photoshop exist, everyone in the pantheon’s going to keep posting them.
•Monster Men – Soul of the Beast 1 (Wolfer/ Martinez): “Whoa, lady, be careful with that thing! Don’t you know this place hasn’t had a fire inspection for over a hundred years? If that lantern falls over, this whole thing will light up faster than a bullet from that gun of yours. Why should you trust me? Who couldn’t trust a person that smiles so much!”
•Star Wars Doctor Aphra 39 (Spurrier/ Wijngaard): Be it launch codes, base coordinates, juicy gossip, or Life Day present, nothing stays secret from Doc Aphra for long. And with the galaxy’s cutest poker face, no one will ever suspect her.
•Touching Evil 1 (Dan Dougherty): “What the- OH NO! I got human on my hand – get me a napkin! GET ME A NAPKIN! Get it off get it off getitoffgetitoffgetitoff… does anyone have claw sanitizing lotion on them, or a vat of rubbing alcohol, or a pit of fire? By the hells I’m starting to smell it – *RETCH* I smell it! Screw it, anyone got a blade? Just cut my hand off!!”
•Ogres 1 (Salley/ Daley): The positions of the figures work well, and the light sourcing’s great, so this would make a wonderful cover shot for an internet start up. Wait, this is a comic book cover? Yikes.
•The Misplaced 1 (Chris Callahan): Until someone can convince me otherwise, this is a mermaid on an acid trip. Light’s coming out of its finger, there are plants that shouldn’t exist growing to monstrous proportions going out of its tails, and everything’s both important and irrelevant at the same time. The bad news is that it probably got this buzz when it swam too close to an oil platform or garbage island.
•Conan the Barbarian 2099 1 (Duggan/ Antonia): “Crush your trolls, see them banned before you, and hear the lamentations of their followers!”
Give thanks, pass the rolls, and see you next week!
Looking for earlier blogs by Ryan Walsh for Comic Carnival? They’re here: Variant Coverage Blog Back Issues