Variant Coverage – December 4, 2019

Comics, comics everywhere, and plenty of drops to drink!*
(While beverages are sold at Comic Carnival, we discourage customers from drinking on the premises to minimize changes of spills, book damage, game stoppage, or accidental challenges of honor. All beverages sold at Comic Carnival are non-alcoholic, and no alcohol should be brought into the store. Unless you’re cool. Are you cool? Comic Carnival policy states that all who enter are “not cool” until proven otherwise. Just how we roll.)
[CC Note: This is why he’s our entertainment writer and NOT our lawyer.]

Angela Della Morte 1 (Salvador Sanz): As unnecessary and cliche franchise reboots go, I’m not feeling this bold new dimension for 2001: A Space Odyssey. Maybe it’s the insistence to reuse the suits from the movie, maybe it’s recasting Dave as an extra-lankey supermonkey, or maybe I’m not the target audience, somehow it’s just not clicking for me.

Power Ranger Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1 (Parrott/ Di Meo): “Hi, kids! Remember us, the heroes with attitudes and hard shells that’ve been around for decades? Well, we’ve brought you the head from another attitude-focused franchise! Why? Because we saw you. We noticed when it caught your eye, and we can’t have that. You can only look at us, now and forever.”

Justice League 37 (Snyder & Tynion IV/ Jiminez): Of course superheroes are able to kneel down easily, they train and exercise for occasions just like this! Think about it: of all the ways a person in flight/ glide could land on the ground, what’s the least effective and most badass way to do it? The Landing on One Knee. If anything, by resting both knees on the ground, this is a relief for them (Batman of course remains unable to make things easy for himself).

20XX 1 (Luna & Keely): In a post-Scarcity society, governments won’t demand taxes to be filled out every year. They WILL put you in a tornado chamber with a hundred tax forms until your eyes have papercuts, but mostly that’s so you have something to complain about.

Doctor Doom 3 (Cantwell/ Larroca): “Welcome to Hell, mortal!”
“You’ve redecorated.”
“Prepare for an eternity of… what was that?”
“You moved the Well of Sin over by the dry bar, opening up the center so that people can mingle and exchange pain. Doom approves!”
“By me… Victor. Didn’t recognize you at first.”
“Perhaps you’ll recognize THIS!” *hands over card*
“Hrrnng. Can’t believe you’ve been here eight times before.”
“Believe it, God of Torment, for who but I could complete the Frequent Damned Card that grants me the privilege of one free Spa Day!”

Butcher of Paris 1 of 5 (Phillips/ Kotz): It’s not enough to simply cut and prepare meat to be a butcher in the Fashion Capital of the World. No, no, you have to butcher with pizzazz, make a statement, and otherwise be incomprehensible to anyone that isn’t Parisian. Why settle for fillet mignon when you can behold a sculpture representing the cyclical oppression of chihuahuas that just so happens to be made of beef and bacon and cooked at 350 for 25 minutes? Just remember that the scaffolding isn’t edible and get written consent from the artist and you’re good to go.

Kill Whitey Donovan 1 (Sydney/ Barahona): “What’re you doing bringing guns to my knife fight?”
“I brought guns because the invitation clearly said ‘gunfight!’”
“The card was embossed with knives, did it not occur to you that you read the invite wrong?”
“I figured if there were knives, they could only be for cake!”

Over the Ropes 1 of 5 (Sandlin/ Cosentino): You ever wonder why wrestlers yell so passionately? It’d be great if they just loved what they did that much, but that’s not the whole truth. It gets the crowd excited, but that’s more a side-effect. See, anytime you put on those spandex leggings, it’s only a matter of time before they crease up in a way that pinches you, and as soon as that happens, it’s kinda hard not to scream.

New Years’ Evil One-Shot (Various): “Hey there, kiddies! Ever wonder why Santa Joker’s suit is red? It’s a funny story that also explains where Mrs. Claus went!”

Strange Skies over East Berlin 3 (Loveness/ Estherren): On the one hand, this is a cover that could be triggering to veterans, and the creators could’ve shown a little consideration before going to press with this. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure this is my next Halloween costume!

X-Men 3 (Hickman/ Yu): As unnecessary and cliche franchise reboots go, I’ll admit this new take on Green Acres catches my interest. Maybe it’s just because Cyclops is so easy to imagine with a pitchfork.

See you next week!

Looking for earlier blogs by Ryan Walsh for Comic Carnival?  They’re here: Variant Coverage Blog Back Issues

Variant Coverage Review Blog by Ryan Walsh for Comic Carnival

Variant Coverage Review Blog by Ryan Walsh for Comic Carnival

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