Welcome to 2020! It’s a new year full of possibilities and of course it begins with sleep deprivation or worse, but why should something like a celestial event interrupt the flow of comics? It doesn’t! Why? Because we won’t let it! Let’s see how this year handles the cream of this week’s comic covers crop.
•Thor 1 (Cates/ Klein): Pfft, is this what passes for a king of the gods nowadays? Ooohhh, wearing the stars themselves as armor, real original buddy! I bet that cape’s made of actual cloth or something, when everyone knows it’s supposed to be the hide of an enemy, monster, or both. And wook at dat, wittle King Thor’s using his father’s hand-me-down magic ravens – gods these days think everything should be handed to them. Back in Odin’s day, a fresh king would journey into the Dire Forest, claim raven eggs from Eas’thur Buun Ai (dragon hoarder of eggs) and raise them himself to be his wisest advisers. Here’s hoping the Odinson’s a fast learner, I guess.
•Batman Gotham Knights Transference TP (Various): Though the Batman’s conquered the embodiments of fear, insanity, internal conflict, and most of the Justice League, there’s little he can do against his true nemesis: adequate lighting. Not only does the skyscraper-sized lamp shine brightly enough to render the Bat-Signal useless, the sky itself deflects the light back to Earth. People are outside – not to rob or shoot parents in dark alleys – but to play, to enjoy being outside. If the Batman can’t resolve this soon, Gotham could become something he never planned for: decent place to live!
•Doll Island TP (Mortal/ D.N.S.): When it first arrived on the Island of Misfit Toys, everyone concluded right away that he’d fit right in, that their family had grown. They were so excited, in fact, that no one bothered to ask their new brother Chucky how he came to be misfit in the first place.
•Justice League Dark 18 (Tynion IV/ Bueno & Fernandez): “You FIEND! Setting up that trap to encase us all in this crystal prison is low, even for one such as you!”
“Lemme guess: ritual calling for the sacrifice of heroes to obtain new powers?”
“Use us to poison a world – a fate worse than death for those like us.”
“Complete a terrible blade of unimaginable power by slotting us into the hilt or something?”
“FOOLS! YOU ARE IN A SALT CRYSTAL. IF I EVER GET BORED OF USING YOU AS A LAMP I SHALL JUST FILL MY GRINDER WITH YOU AND FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY YOUR SHREDDED BODIES WILL FLAVOR MY FOOD. DID NOT ONE OF YOU EVER HEAR OF OCCAM’S RAZOR?”
•Hawkeye Freefall 1 (Rosenberg/ Schmidt): Pro-Avengering Tip #56 – when falling head first to your death and there’s one last shot that’s got to hit critically, spread the legs out in the closest thing to a split as possible. Not to increase stability or slow the descent, just because it’s easier for the flight-capable team members have a wider target to grab before crushing into a chunky paste.
•I Can Sell You a Body 1 (Ferrier/ Kambadias): Little Dai Lee read about summoning poltergeists in a book Little Dai Lee’s teachers demanded he not read. Little Dai Lee tried summoning his very own spirits to work as his agents, even after the monks’d spent years lecturing on the need for spiritual freedom for all. Little Dai Lee desired the hands of a pickpocket or top-tier fighter, but the ones that answered his call were from drivers of white vans with “Free Candy” painted on the side. Don’t be like Little Dai Lee.
I’d write more, but I’ve got a little “sleep deprivation” of my own, so I’ll catch you on the Old Lane Side! (CC Note: That’s “Auld Lang Syne”.) Ugh, whatever. See you next week!
Looking for earlier blogs by Ryan Walsh for Comic Carnival? They’re here: Variant Coverage Blog Back Issues