Blinding you with COMICS! *BWO-OH*
•Marvels X 1 of 6 (Ross & Krueger/ Well-Bee): Every October 31st, Peter Parker turns off his lights, barricades the doors and windows, and spends the night in the bathtub with a barbed cudgel Deadpool left at his place. When the alternative is engaging with society and learning which of your sworn enemies is this year’s most popular Halloween costume, Peter thinks it’s the only sane solution.
•Deadpool 2 (Thompson/ Bachalo): “Let’s review – I’ve been stashed under my own throne, now occupied by a hot lady with a shotgun and my mask, and everything but me is made out of gold. Think, Wade, think: am I in trouble, am I dreaming, or am I getting my money’s worth?”
•White Ash 1 (Stickney/ Hughes): No no no, kid. The whole point of walking away from an explosion’s to establish that you’re a stable point when everything around you burns into chaos. If the explosion you’re walking away from is restorative and tree-making, you’re just a brat who can’t appreciate miracles. And do not get me started on your choice of vehicle – there’s never been a chase scene where the hero drove a hand-me-down ride and that’s for a reason. Now if you wanted to make a John Wick prequel featuring Herbie the Love Bug, we could talk.
•Clock 1 (Hawkins/ Doran): Those fools that worry about climate change, or pollution, or deforestation, and all their activism – they think they’re the good guys, don’t they? They never imagined what the planet had up its sleeve: nuclear trees able to choke the planet. Industrialization was never about the money, it was a preemptive strike!
•Firefly The Outlaw Ma Reynolds 1 (Pak/ Gianfelice): Ma Reynolds’ boutique attracted a wide customer base for her carefully chosen stock – locally-sourced artisanal bubble gum, and polished cans of whoop-ass. Guess what she always seems to run out of first.
•Ruins of Ravencroft One-Shot (Tieri/ Villanova & Unzueta): Marvel misses the mark sometimes, and it’s just healthier to accept that. In mashing up the alien symbiote/ mass murderer with an 1800’s era creepy aristocrat – by trying to avoid the comparison to DC’s Two-Face – they just emphasized their copycatting goals. Get yourself a clue, Marvel, even if you have to choke it down.
•Charles Darwin & the Theory of Evolution GN (Jordi Bayarri): Charles Darwin’s formative years were spent in libraries and lecture halls, so bear that in mind when studying this look on his face. He’s not dreaming of the disciplines of science to be borne from his research, it’s just been that long since he’s seen the sky.
•LOEG Volume IV Tempest HC (Moore/ O’Neill): I want to read the notes Alan Moore wrote to Kevin O’Neill for this cover more than I knew I could want anything. I imagine Moore dictating to his phone while in a dream or trance or high off the blood of demons about a shop that’s also a comic book factory that’s also a series of optical illusions to make Yellow Submarine look like xkcd. I imagine O’Neill in a seizure fit trying to wrap his mind around Moore’s vision, giving up, and locking himself in his art studio with a bottle of grain alcohol, experiencing an epic spirit walk in the 12’x 20’ space, and waking up to find this cover and a mobius strip made of ichor.
•Star 1 of 5 (Thompson/ Pina): “Alright, I see your point. When you said you were strong enough to flip the city over, I reacted skeptically. That probably wasn’t the most mature reaction. However, at no point did I ask you to prove it. So please, can we agree that we share responsibility for this?”
•Immortal Hulk 29 (Ewing/ Bennett): “HULK KNOWS YOU! SECRET MONSTER FROM CLOVERFIELD!! TWO HOURS OF HULK’S LIFE WASTED! WHY MAKE SCARY MONSTER MOVIE THAT NEVER SHOW SCARY MONSTER?!? HULK SMASH MONSTER’S ‘FEAR OF UNKNOWN’ THEME, ALONG WITH SPINES!”
See you next week!
Looking for earlier blogs by Ryan Walsh for Comic Carnival? They’re here: Variant Coverage Blog Back Issues