After numerous attempted with specimens of various lengths and girths, we may confidently conclude that there’re more comics out this week than you could shake a stick at. Those confused looks we got were for SCIENCE!
•Gideon Falls 21 (Lemire/ Sorrentino): The rib bone’s connected to the SWARM OF LARVA! The swarm of lava’s connected to the PUZZLE PIECE! The puzzle piece’s connected to the RED SMILE so go, Gideon, GO!
•Predator Hunters III 1 of 4 (Warner/ Thies): “Oh wow! Didn’t see you there. Uhhh, okay, I can imagine how this looks from an outside perspective – not every day you come across a guy knee-high in dismembered body parts – but give me a chance to explain. There’s some very important context, and once you’re aware of it, I’m sure you’ll agree this could’ve happened to anybody.”
•Aggretsuko 1 (Barnes/ Kirkland): The screams, the threats, the mocking laughter, the pity – all these and others slid off the fur of the fox like water off a duck. What they yelled at was a mask, meek and hard-working and bait for bullies to abuse. Soon the night would come, and the mask would come off, and then the tables would turn. The fox’s true self would emerge, and it had sworn a vow to shred everyone one of them into ground meat… with the power of SONG!
•Captain Ginger Season 2 1 (Moore/ Brigman & Richardson): “Wha… da… da… the fleet’s riding the grey rainbow. The clouds’re making faces at me. Ship’s sailing through the explosive nebula. There’s a dog in the middle of all this, sinus problems are the key. I don’t know what was in that catnip but I. Need. MORE!”
•Dark Agnes 1 (Cloonan/ Pizzari): This is a woman that is so incredibly DONE with her nickname. Leather comes in black or brown, so “dark” should be redundant. And so what if there’s a little blood on her sword? If you’re using the sword correctly, there’s supposed to be blood on it! Maybe she could ease back on the gallows humor, but everybody’s got to cope somehow. Not to mention the little detail that HER HAIR IS ACTIVELY GLOWING RED! But no. She’s “Dark Agnes”. And she will skewer the next person that asks how she got that name because she’s that tired of answering “I got no effing clue!”
•Adler 1 (Tidhar/ McCaffrey): “All I’ve done since I got here was order a scone. I don’t know why everyone pulled a knife, especially since it’s clear by the stab wounds you’ve given each other that you’ve no idea how to use them. But here we are, on top of a building, with me surrounded by the angry and bleeding, and half a step to my death by falling. I’ve done my best – it cannot be said I never gave you a fair chance.”
•The Man Who F#६%ed Up Time 1 (Layman/ Mostert): Before he dies, I hope the assembled masses will read off his rap sheet. Who wouldn’t want to watch as some hapless youth gets reprimanded for stuff like reintroducing the common cold to humans in the year 3218, or taking a sip of primordial soup back in -4,000,000,000, or cluing Caesar in on the Ides of March. A Twilight Zone-style series of alternate histories and their effects throughout time? Netflix, call me for your next license to print money!
•Ant-Man 1 (Wells/ Burnett): “Dad, when school planned this ‘Bring Your Child to Work’ experience, this couldn’t have been what they had in mind!”
“They know I superhero, what else could they expect? And besides, it’s nothing you haven’t done before.”
“I never had wings! And I’m pretty sure my first fight didn’t involve an army of super-scientists.”
“Cassie, this is AIM. Calling them super-scientists is like calling Paste Pot Pete a super-villain – they wish they were, but they’re not, and everyone knows it.”
•Young Justice 13 (Bendis & Walker/ Grell): Even though he’s always worn full-coverage suits, in his heart Superboy always admired those that could pull off the Loincloth Look. Maybe he had some issues about people seeing his body stemming from being a clone, maybe he liked the feel of certain fabrics, there’s a lot that could be going on in that Krypto-human head of his. The point is that he’s going to hang onto that leopard-print super-mini-skirt and the rest of the team’s just going to have to learn to accept that.
•Backtrack 1 (Joines/ Elphick): “You’ve explained everything about this race but the dinosaurs. What’re they? Natural hazards? Other drivers?”
“They are – and this may be hard to believe – corporate sponsors.”
“…I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t something that makes perfect sense.”
See you next week!
Looking for earlier blogs by Ryan Walsh for Comic Carnival? They’re here: Variant Coverage Blog Back Issues